Monday, December 10, 2012

pickin' bones

1) i need to know where this new found interest in scarves came from.  i mean, when i was younger, scarves were purchased (or made) to keep you warm during the winter - and only the rarest of pretentious twats (like yuppies and faux intellectuals) wore them beyond the scope of temperature control. now it's like a virus spreading all over the fucking world.  it could be ninety degrees out with a humidity percentage of 110%, and these jerks will still wear scarves ... with their designer ribbed wife-beaters.  i think it looks silly.  if you want an accent piece, wear a fucking necklace ... or some earrings ... or carry a parrot on your shoulder.  cold-weather accessories are for practical purposes, and sweltering underneath your shittily crocheted yak-yarn cowl on a summer's eve (courtesy of some overpricing baroness of etsy) is just as practical as high heels.  by that i mean, it's not.

2) fake glasses.  i.do.not.get.it.  as a spectacles wearer, i could never conceive a good enough reason for anybody to wear non-prescription glasses.  it makes me think you're pulling fakies in every other facet of your life.  if you need to wear bullshit eye-wear, maybe your penis isn't real, either.  perhaps your love for the homeless is a front, too.  i understand that "nerdy glasses" are "cute", and guys especially really "dig them" .... but this bizarre attraction is even more mind boggling.  there are plenty of people out there with real glasses - so wouldn't you rather date the ladies you know aren't pulling your (leg) instead of the flakes pulling a (fast one) on you?  if you need to make yourself look like a nerd, you're clearly not a nerd, and need to stop trying.  not to mention, it's still just as practical as those infamous high heels. 

3) returning complaint: refusal to use indicator (turn signal):  i'll make this short.  USE THE FUCKING THING.  JUST USE IT.  IT'S NOT HARD.  IT'S NOT A DIFFICULT TASK.  IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ASKING YOU TO LEARN BLOODY MACRAME! IT'S A FUCKING INDICATOR, TO FUCKING INDICATE THAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO FUCKING TURN SO I DON'T FUCKING PLOW INTO THE FUCKING BACK OF YOUR FUCKING CAR!

4) why the fuck does excommunication seem to be an acceptable way to punish someone?  surely one would think that talking out the problem, and finding a solution that saves the friendship/relationship, would be the proper way to go.  considering that we're all adults here, very few of you actually know how to act like one.  it's disheartening. it's discouraging.  and, fuck you.

5) there weren't as many bones to pick as i had anticipated, or maybe i'm just really tired.
i'm going to guess on being tired, because it sounds right.

you know what else sounds right? vagina folding. 



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